sooo, i've been eating pills, jumping on the roof, slitting my wrists and stuff like that:P

i think i've lost control of myself

gamer said today, that he will brake up with me if i cut ever again

he doesn't realize how hard is to stop

i'm REALLY gonna try now

i think for a past few weeks i've given up

one of my friends said:

if you don't want help, why you keep telling peoples about your problems?

yeah, i don't know, so now i decided to not to tell anyone how i really feel.

school also is destroying me, i cant handle it anymore, i'm braking down

my family just cares about having normal perfect teenage-daughter

when i'm having bad day they are there just like:

"well isn't that our teenager, you should grow up and take some responsibility from your life!!!!"

almost only person i've been talking to is "bigcat" he's one of those rare peoples i can hopefully trust anymore.....

i don't know how i'm gonna survive, i guess i'll lock myself inside of me and pretend that everything's fine

i know it'll hurt, but i guess that's the only way (if you don't count suicide)

worst of all, i can't be with my best friends anymore,

i get depressed almost every time i talk to devil:<

for example:

me: oh shit, my arm is full, what i'm gonna do? ;___;

she: cut another arm

she: oh, wait don't cut

or

me: i think i'll rather not to come there, i'm feeling sick, i think if i start to walk over there i'll throw up in some bush

she: isn't that just a good thing, you'll get that food out

yeah, i really love her, but she doesn't always know how to help:<

i KNOW i've lost control of it

i think i should just do my school work 

and try to avoid everyone

is best for them